The Spiritual Practice of Remembrance
In the past 6 months I have lost four significant loved ones bringing me to grief as well as gratitude for their lives. With the loss of my dad, aunt, cousin, and mother-in law my mind has been flooded with memories. Some bring joy and some bring sorrow. There is the sense of unfinished business, or unanswered questions. For example, my dad and mom met in the band in high school yet there’s no evidence of his love for music throughout my life. In fact, I don’t remember him listening to any music. In his later years he was hard of hearing and probably not even able to hear music anymore. My burning question is what music did he like to listen to? Why did he join the band? Was it because he noticed my mom? There is that longing to turn back time and ask that question or just see him one more time to say our last words together.
As I remember fondly the people I love I am drawn to remember how God has been with me through all my life. Throughout the scriptures, God’s people, the Israelites, sing and lament in remembrance of God’s deliverance. Today we remember Christ’s deliverance on the cross through the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper. There are countless passages throughout the scriptures that are written to remember lives lived, mistakes made, stories to tell written for our instruction, encouragement, and to recount what God has done and lead us into worship.
Psalm 143:5-6 says, “I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the work of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.”
Reading and reflecting on scripture passages is a practice of remembrance similar to the way we remember moments with loved ones. We can prayerfully and creatively connect with God as we recall what he has done in and through our experiences in life with those we love as well as those who are hard to love.
As Jesus celebrated the passover with the disciples he was establishing a way to remember him and what he would accomplish on the cross. I can imagine he was filled with joy and sorrow at the same time knowing what was to come. As Hebrews 12:2 says “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” It’s hard to imagine that Jesus could see joy before such sorrow. Jesus held both sorrow and joy and we can as well.
I have laid out a few simple practices of remembrance that can lead us to a deeper connection with God resulting in worship and healing. These are my thoughts and certainly not exhaustive but suggestions that can help you along in your spiritual journey.
1. Rock of remembrance - a simple practice where you collect a stone to recall a special place, a memorable experience, a person, and the impact they had on your life. Write a word on the rock that best describes your heart, a feeling, name of a person, a scripture reference, or a place. Keep this rock in a prominent place to bring to mind God’s goodness and faithfulness as well as his continued work to come. Stones were a memorial of remembrance for the Israelites and one in particular was in Joshua 4 after God opened the waters of the Jordan River for the nation of Israel (God’s people) to pass through to Jericho. God’s deliverance is remembered to this day.
2. One practice that helps me is to write or journal about memories that I recall. As I remember a life experience or moment God brings me new perspective on how he carried me through a difficult season. God was present in my good and bad memories. For the unanswered questions write a letter or email that you can’t send. This letter is for God and for you to release the person and let him take care of it.
3. We can imagine being with them one last time in an Imaginative prayer practice. This practice imagines meeting with them again recalling emotions of this reunion happy or sad. We ask the questions that are unanswered and imagine them answering. We say the words we wished to say, let go of our hurts, and begin to forgive.
4. Remember and celebrate loved ones on their birthday, or anniversary, or another significant day. Make a cake, and cook food you liked to eat together. Maybe the smells of fresh baked cookies or fried chicken take you back bringing a smile to your face. Do this with your family or loved ones to keep their memories alive. This may lead to worship God in giving us the gift of this person.
5. Music is another significant way to remember. There are songs that bring you back to a person, place or specific memory. Every time it is played we return to the emotions of that moment. God’s people did this as they sang the Psalms to remember God’s faithfulness and deliverance. We can also choose a song to remember, to mourn, to give thanks, or to bring hope.
6. Think of these practices as prayerful requiring time to mourn and sit with emotions in order to surrender them to God for healing and forgiveness. They can also be done communally with trusted friends and loved ones.
7. Telling stories about our loved ones is a great way to remember. This can also lead to telling about Jesus and all he has done. For me, I like to sit in the seat at the kitchen table that my dad claimed as his. We share a few memories of my father and give thanks for his presence in my life in the good and the bad.
A book I’m reading called *Black Liturgies has liturgies, prayers, poems, and readings to fit different circumstances. A reading called Homegoing states, “Keep us from idealizing or demonizing them in death, but bring into remembrance who they truly were to us in all of their complexities. Comfort us as we give thanks for their life, offering up gratitude.” I prayed this prayer at my dad’s graveside service letting him go from this earth.
There are memories that we want to forget. They may be stuffed so deep that we’re not able to bring them to remembrance. Some may be too painful and hard to bring to mind. I encourage you to ask for God’s help and wait before you undergo stirring up pain before it’s the proper time to heal. There are times you may need to meet with a therapist, counselor, or spiritual director to take time to remember in order to heal. Remember that God is the one who we can look to and trust as we remember. Only God can do this work. We just need to be open and willing and trust his timing.
God’s story continues to be written in each of our lives as we open up to his presence through remembrance. I encourage you to try one of the practices above and offer them to God in prayer.
To get you started prayerfully read this Psalm woven with my paraphrase as you remember. May this lead to you being reminded of God’s presence and faithfulness in your life.
Father, I remember the days of old;
Help me as I recall what you have done in my life.
I meditate on all that you have done;
You have been with me from day one.
I ponder the work of your hands.
Help me notice how you have been at work in my life and in your creation around me.
I stretch out my hands to you;
I need you and open my hands in need of your grace.
My soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Without you I am poor and needy!
Please pour water on the thirsty and floods upon the dry ground in my life and the world around me.
Amen
From Psalm 143:5-6 ESV & Mary paraphrase
*Riley, Cole Arthur, Black Liturgies: Prayers, Poems, and Meditations for Staying Human, Convergent Books, 2024